The Latecomer

The planned opening song to 2006’s aborted “Real Estate“. The theatre bells turn into the opening song, as the male lead enters with the last of the audience and makes his way towards the stage (where the female lead is waiting for him). Partway through the song (“You see them everywhere”), the actual latecomers are admitted. Seemed like it’d be a funny and interesting way to start the show, and given that I was something of a latecomer to relationships myself, thought it’d set up the character nicely. Then onwards into the show, as they turn the stage into their inner-city apartment – moving in the furniture to dress the set etc – and we follow their story from there. Spotted the problem yet? Like, um, what is that story exactly? I had no idea. Still don’t. So, best to pull the pin eh?

The Latecomer

I must have missed my turn
When I was 17
Passed up a chance to learn what a romance would mean
And now I feel too old to find myself this blind
I’m a latecomer – just a bit behind.

That’s what I said to her
Back on the night we met
“I’m sure I’ll fall in love, it’s just I haven’t yet.
“I’ll need a patient soul to pull me up to pace;
“I’m a latecomer – help me find my place.”

I’m gonna do it hard
A little tough to start
To navigate the differences and habits of your heart
To make myself a man
You can depend upon
For when I should be catching up, I’m barely catching on

But ev’ry day I learn
Just a little more
And ev’ry day I fall a little further than before
It must be fate to wait to find a mate so sweet:
I’m a latecomer – show me to my seat.

You see them everywhere
The silhouettes of shame
Bumping into ev’rything, the bearers of the blame
They don’t know right from left
And I don’t know much more
Romantically remedial, I need to know the score…

I must have missed my turn
But I can turn again
Thought I was lying low when I was sleeping in
I woke up just in time to hear the final call:
I’m a latecomer
I’m a latecomer
I’m a latecomer – better than never at all.

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