Song For Kitty

Kitty Marie Perfect was born on July 8, 2009. For the record, Martin Martini is a perfectly civilised – even courtly – gentleman, and would never stoop to anything like the behaviour depicted in the song; it’s just, y’know, once you’ve built that dark carny reputation, it’s hard to shake. Furthermore, Ezekiel Ox has never been involved in the possession or consumption of any illegal drugs whatsoever. It’s amazing what some people will assume.

Song For Kitty

Welcome to the universe, Miss Kitty.
Welcome to the eighth of July.
Welcome to your nose, your fingers and your toes.
Welcome to the big blue sky.
It’s such a lovely world to play a part in,
but follow this suggestion if you can:
Don’t accept a drink from Uncle Martin.
Uncle Martin’s a peculiar man.

Right now, you’re a pretty little baby;
you haven’t got the hang of your neck.
But if someday you should pine to lay it on the line,
try to keep yourself in check.
This monumental odyssey you’re starting
is thrilling and exotic and unique.
But don’t accept a drink from Uncle Martin,
or agree to mind a bag for Uncle Zeke.

Your life will be full of surprises,
but some things will always be true.
The Middle-East is always in crisis.
A change of sheets is always overdue.
And Mum and Dad love you forever;
take it as your rule of thumb.
They’ll love you through ev’ry endeavour,
no matter what a cocksnap you become.

So welcome to the universe, Miss Kitty.
I hope you like the lay of the land.
I hope your heart can be exuberant and free,
and Lord, I hope you understand
this crucial piece of wisdom I’m impartin’
(I know it’s not my place to intervene)
but don’t accept a drink from Uncle Martin,
especially once you’ve turned fourteen.
Especially once you’ve turned thirteen.


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