Melbourne on a Saturday evening, no better place to be
We’re glad you guys could patronise this marvellous marquee
Venue of a million stories, you’ve prob’ly only heard a few
At last tonight we’ll set that right with a Spiegeltent Revue.
I started with a list of the mysteries of 88 years of this stage
I interviewed performers who beheld its Golden Age
I tried to make a fist of the histories, I fell asleep by Chapter Two
And dreamt I threw it all away – the only proper thing to do.
History’s persistently boring,
relentless, depressing and slow.
We’d have to be fools to follow those rules,
so let’s make it up as we go.
Imagine you were head of an army, building a case to invade,
but wisdom shuns your smoking guns and rains on your parade
If you wanna take the hill from Mohamed, best to take it out of his hands;
Write and cast a brand new past to suit your own demands.
History’s the work of the victors,
so let the Liquid Paper flow.
I’m proposing a toast to the fraudulent boast
and to making it up as you go.
We built our halls of learning out of solid truth and sense
And tried to fight our yearning for something more intense
But now it’s all Big Brother and Intelligent Design
Why fight the flow? It’s time to toe the most attractive line.
So over the following hour, try not to think too hard;
sit back, relax and give the facts your utmost disregard.
Click the Wikipedian whisper, for gossip is a gospel choir.
Let fancy dance with circumstance and set our pants on fire.
I wouldn’t really call it deception,
just part of the business of show.
We could study the past, but who could be arsed?
Let’s make it up as we go.